Swept Away

February 20, 2020
Summer - Fall 2004
a subdued picture of a staircase with lambent light by Drew Willson, courtesy Unsplash Drew Wilson Shortly after my transfer from Crisis, I wasted no time giving in to my sexual urges. However, there was another network, similar to Bradish Cottage (consisting of [#p0d92s], [#p1d91t], and [#p2j93w], of people who were seeking 'relief' and I capitalized on that. While we showered, we would briefly enter each others' stalls and relieve each other, and return to our own stalls before someone else noticed us. Overnight, [#p0d92s] would slip into my room and give me a handjob (despite being one of the younger individuals in Havens, my phallus intimidated him and he would decline to offer a blowjob if I asked). I later discovered a stash of bodybuilder magazines under my former roommates' bed, which I used as leverage to ensure further sexual involvement.
An incident between me and [#p2j93w] took place in the area just outside the living room, in a separate room near the side door of the cottage. On that sofa, I rimmed [#p2j93w] and jokingly remarked that it just needs 'a little seasoned salt'. Despite the mutual origins of this incident, I was asked by [#a3l58] to classify this encounter as an abuse due to the age difference of three or more years. Despite what appeared as a reliable escape for my urges, I ran into the same animus that caused this to end much the same way as it did fourteen months earlier. My peers knew what they were getting into and were already getting their rocks off before I moved into Havens (all three were roommates in the quad opposite the hall), which they did admit to me in confidence.
An encounter took place not longer after with [#p1d91t], in the living room, as [#a4d67a], who was supposed to be watching us, fell asleep. I encouraged [#p1d91t] during this time, and while he said, "Wouldn't it be obvious?", I said "even if it were, that big oaf is asleep and wouldn't budge." Despite this, he eventually pulled back. I didn't give it much thought back then, but [#p2j93w] was becoming starved for sexual attention, and didn't like the fact that I was taking the attention away from him by hitting on his roommates. The last straw came that night when he dared me to enter the restroom with him. However, he wavered and walked out, and [#p0d92s] walked in as he went out. He said he would tell, but none of us took him seriously then as we saw this arrangement as a mutual benefit.
We were wrong. The following Monday, while we were all eating, [#p2j93w] shared his story with both [#a3r64c] and [#a4m59h], and he omitted the mutual origins of the incident to feign victimhood. Outraged, I ran toward him, grabbed him by his neck, and threw him in the mop closet, slamming the door on top of him. "You liked it, liar!" I exclaimed. "You'd be willing to ruin everything just to play the victim. Asshole!" At this point, Special Services was called and I was escorted out of the cottage. In spite of my frustration, I went right back to the same patterns that got me kicked out of Johnson Cottage. In the following days, I outed all participants. My stay in the holding room at Special Services wasn't dull, and I was satisfied by [#p5d88c] of Van Horn Cottage that same night.
After the incident, I was painted as the aggressor anyway, and [#a3r64c] frequently referred to me as 'child molester', ignoring the role that 'her babies' played in this whole thing. A prime reason why I did not take CV seriously or respect their personnel is because they were children given adult power, and routinely brought out the worst in their charges. Yes, I was no less a guilty party. Abuse is abuse and I'm not asking for a pass. Rather, I'm asking that all angles be considered before blame is assigned. Blaming me for what happened that day does nothing to resolve the issues 'her babies' had before I arrived, and those issues would remain long after I left. In the weeks before I was shipped 150 miles away, they made remarks like "At least you'll be around your own kind, freak." Who you associate with should not be an indicator of the sexual orientation of everyone else around you. Little did they (or I) know, I was about to be cockblocked for a decade.
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