Informed Implosion

March 29, 2020
May 2, 2020
a picture of a notebook with a brown pencil by Jan Kahanek, courtesy Unsplash Jan Kahánek It's been quite a ride for me. I've learned a lot. I'm eager to avoid making the same mistakes that marred my past. I want to make peace with my past. This means I need to stop keeping secrets that could potentially backfire later in my life. I want to surround myself with individuals who don't hold me to my past, but give me a chance to help me forge a better future. This is the primary reason this site exists. I am no saint in my stories, and I share them not to wallow, but to show how much I have grown since those events transpired.
Too often, employers are cautious when it comes to hiring someone with a questionable past. These are the employers I wish to avoid. My roommate gave me some helpful advice with regards to my site, specifically the 'Disclosure' section, and felt that such confessions could be implosive toward my career. I also work well under pressure. I needed another challenge. He presented the following scenarios:
• Employers might overlook me entirely. This could sink any chances of me finding a job.
• Employers might overlook my past, but my co-workers might not, and make things difficult for the company, and pressure the company into letting me go.
• Employers are concerned about the potential liability that comes with hiring someone that's too up front.
While these concerns are valid, It doesn't justify me retreating into a shell just to please others. The last time I did that, it did not end well for me. My honesty seems implosive, but I would rather get the reactions now rather than later. My last ordeal caused me immense stress and was not good for my mental health. When I pretend to be something I am not simply to please others, the only person who writhes all the while is me. If I am going to be productive in any workplace, I need mental clarity, and I can't have that if I'm lying to myself. If this means that my job opportunities vanish, then perhaps it forces me to work harder.
I didn't feel powerless in 2015 simply because of the destabilization. I felt powerless because I trusted the wrong people, didn't take enough initiative, expected success to land on my lap and didn't think people would flinch at my past. Imagine hiding the fact that you had superpowers from your best friend only to be told the truth by a sadist? No one should cede that much control over the narrative and expect things to be all honkey-dorey.
This doesn't mean that I'll walk into an interview in a bathrobe. It means I walk into an interview as myself. Employers deserve to know what they're getting before they hire, and being honest with them means that the judgmental, spiteful ones will look me over, and that will spare me years of headaches. No one should work in an environment that constantly puts them down. I will continue to improve myself, mentally and physically, for the employer who looks at my page and appreciates the growth since the stories that were told, rather than hold me to my past.
I can't wait to work for you, if you exist. I will be waiting, and I will be ready.

- 📓
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